Email writing is a tricky business, no doubt. Being the bearer of bad tidings can either make you very uncomfortable or really get your creative juices flowing, especially when you are (secretly) thrilled with your power as the Common Room Treasurer of a college in a prestigious university. Then, emails like this get sent out at a high frequency while it's writer sits chuckling to himself in his room eating chocolate chip cookies in the middle of the night:
Dear A,
Your request for funds to compensate for expenses incurred while participating in the U8 Summit at the University of Warwick this weekend cannot be met. This is for many reasons:
1. I am told that the Summit was well organised but due to its location in an isolated English village, 20 mins away from the crime capital, Coventry, the impact on world affairs and problems was minimal, if any.
2. It is alleged that you spent much of your time either sleeping, talking to a gentleman named Sam and partying to Punjabi music. Though the cultural exchange must have been enlightening, the College Amenities Fund should have nothing to do with it.
3. You slept through most important meetings and talks at the Summit. Thereby, not only casting a shadow of doubt on your commitment to the cause but also shaming the college before students from around the world.
4. You shamelessly slept with your mouth open in a gathering of more than 500 students while the Director of Global Fund for HIV Aids was delivering a lecture.
5. You spend an exorbitant amount of money at a Summit dedicated to development and sustainable growth, on tissue boxes to wipe your (ahem) mucus.
I hope you understand that it would be inappropriate to have the college compensate you for all the above reasons.
Best Regards,
Your Common Room Treasurer
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7 comments:
Awww... li'l old meanie!
Hey, I like to write tasteless emails and eat chocolate chip cookies after midnight too... of course I don't have the power to deny funds (bleah).
Btw, 'A' and the Treasurer are good friends. This was a joke (which A found really funny) and since they both went to Warwick to represent their university at the U8 Summit, they were both compensated by the Amenities Fund. Didn't want to write that at the end of the post. Thought it might take away from the zing! ;)
*grin*
hahaha. sounds like you've got most things under control
Tap,
I'm not the CR Treasurer. This is a certain friend at Cambridge.
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